Thursday, January 19, 2012

Along Came Song
for M.L.R.

steps that were designed
by the divine or by the devil

tracks that were laid
by hands from hell
or hands from heaven

which am I making- which am I on

what existed between us initially
who orchestrated it
who connected us

was it of God or of the devil
what I thought was bliss

asked this one and that one
to pray for us, to pray for it

what was I asking God to bless
to add whip cream of heaven to

asking angels in heaven
to lift up- to lift us- to approve

light of heaven,
invited to shine in on it
and could it withstand this added
this exposure, such revelation

evil doings
or what was not in keeping
with what heaven, the Gospels
and Christ intended

woman seeking after pleasure
assume she could
make her own rules
could have her private pursuits

anything she liked-
anyway she liked it
whenever she wanted

what The Book says, no matter
what the guide says
of no importance, of no consequence

but The Book does matter
as much today as it ever did

book of life is the book for life
forever

do not understand
her not appreciating all I contributed

seems she still does not appreciate
what my time costs

I could have been elsewhere
in service otherwise and to others

it seems she never understood
whose I was, to whom I belonged
or to whom I belong

she seemed to think me flimsy
morally, materially, otherwise

some playmate, some play thing
some paperweight

does she know how powerful
is the family- are the friends I have

does she know
that I must be their shining star

this hour and every hour
unable to resort
to just any lowness
to what is lowdown
to just any mess

after all the discipline,
the suffering, the sacrifices,
she expects me
to lie down in sin and get up
and go on and not care

pleasures that are not blessed
eat food over which grace
has not been said

I have been abandoned, repudiated
for having principles
for taking the high road
rather than the low road

wanted- and I want still
what was pure between us
want her to know that
you cannot have whatever
do whatever without having
to suffer- without having
to face the consequences

what you do in secret
shall certainly end up in the open
end up in the light

what is covered by night,
sure to end exposed by-
exposed in daylight

just another man she met and went with
all that I am supposed to be
what she attempts to reduce me to

after all the commitments we had made

after the depths to which we went

after the depths of what I thought
we had invested

what I wanted us to mean
thought we meant
mutually

was I meaning one thing
meaning one way and she
was meaning her own thing
some other way, entirely

attached,
would we have forever been
pulling in opposite directions

she pulling from my pocket
pulling the guts inside me out

what is or was within me
inside me coiled,
extending more and more

like a fish on a line
big fish on her line to bring in
or to relinquish

attached and in pain
she is attached to me too
it costs me, it must cost her also

for both of us, the pleasure
and the pain - for both of us
the consequences
for the incorrect sequence
of what was shared

take a toy apart- a car apart
anything apart- there is
this to put back and then that

however painstaking
is the order we must observe

must be followed if we want
what we are assembling
or reassembling to work, to run

we could not- we cannot
put ourselves together
any-kind-a-how, any-kind-a-way
and expect to function

to be right together
right for each other
or to make right, to make better
a little bit 

of all the wrong in this world

I do not- did not want
to be added to- or to be more of
what is messed up

it is precisely why I write
to put- to make something
run as it should

like a river rather than like blood
off a sidewalk, onto the side
of the road when someone
is stabbed or shot

am I to go- are we to go
the way of the world

should we not be
on our way to heaven
on the wings of doves


© Obediah Michael Smith, 2012
11:25 a.m. 18.01.12

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