"April Haven"
Fri, 03 Feb 2006 22:05:49
The poem does not mean what you think! I am basically saying that for most or some poet we get our thoughts from our surroudings. We bring out things that are invisible to the eyes of many. We use our form of art as a voice. Sometimes, we only can write how we truly feel; therefore, I use those words. It was not intended to be a disappointment. I am sorry you felt that way. The poem is really saying where I get my motivation to write. My surroudings; what I see and how I feel. I express my thoughts how I view things. Sometimes, we speak and yet people don't listen, but when we write we give people a chance to read over and over to replay what they are reading in their head. Thank you for your reply.
April,
this explanation, though I thank you for it, is an insult to me. You needn't explain what your poem means. And was all I wrote written in vain? We, this time, are not communicating. My disappointment has nothing to do with what you attempted to say nor did I misunderstand what you attempted to say, in fact I've rewritten your poem to tighten it and to make it clearer, cleaner.
My concern has to do with your seeming not to know what a poem is or the difference between one which is pale or anemic and one which is dynamic and vibrant - like a child just born, spanked, which kicks and screams compared with one which needs a respirator, an incubator.
Is this clear april? If it isn't, things I convey to you about writing must have been and I suppose would be of little help. A lack of comprehension is a frustration thing. My attempt to improve the language of your poem follows:
I need to be heard
my surroundings, source of my vision
what have I been missing
must write my story
must live my life
Even though the language is clear, clean, precise, it is still empty of images. Images convey: the rusty pliers with bright-red plastic handles, sitting upon this counter here beside me. Images transport us to as well as through as well as into the world of the author.
Do you understand this? Compared with: "I have a feeling I wish I could share;" wherein what I'm thinking of is hidden, not conveyed. The only redeeming element of my second example is the rhythm of the words, of the language, the music - which is another tangible entity - as sound can be metallic, even rusty or silver: like the sound of the saxophone or clarinet or trumpet.
April, feelings, thoughts, must attach themselves to objects, to tangible things in creation to be conveyed, to be experienced by a reader, an audience. This is so because we experience what you convey though and with our senses: color: butter-yellow butterflies; sound: screeching carriage, screech owl, squeaking rabbits [or is it a rat which squeaks?]; Smell: onions, roses, candles burning; taste: dilly, tamarind, juju, apple juice; touch: hot, cold, smooth, rough [descending a coconut tree, with bare legs wrapped about it].
I'm offering assistance for which you did not ask, for which you have not paid. Forgive this imposition. OBIE.
Fri, 03 Feb 2006 22:05:49
The poem does not mean what you think! I am basically saying that for most or some poet we get our thoughts from our surroudings. We bring out things that are invisible to the eyes of many. We use our form of art as a voice. Sometimes, we only can write how we truly feel; therefore, I use those words. It was not intended to be a disappointment. I am sorry you felt that way. The poem is really saying where I get my motivation to write. My surroudings; what I see and how I feel. I express my thoughts how I view things. Sometimes, we speak and yet people don't listen, but when we write we give people a chance to read over and over to replay what they are reading in their head. Thank you for your reply.
April,
this explanation, though I thank you for it, is an insult to me. You needn't explain what your poem means. And was all I wrote written in vain? We, this time, are not communicating. My disappointment has nothing to do with what you attempted to say nor did I misunderstand what you attempted to say, in fact I've rewritten your poem to tighten it and to make it clearer, cleaner.
My concern has to do with your seeming not to know what a poem is or the difference between one which is pale or anemic and one which is dynamic and vibrant - like a child just born, spanked, which kicks and screams compared with one which needs a respirator, an incubator.
Is this clear april? If it isn't, things I convey to you about writing must have been and I suppose would be of little help. A lack of comprehension is a frustration thing. My attempt to improve the language of your poem follows:
I need to be heard
my surroundings, source of my vision
what have I been missing
must write my story
must live my life
Even though the language is clear, clean, precise, it is still empty of images. Images convey: the rusty pliers with bright-red plastic handles, sitting upon this counter here beside me. Images transport us to as well as through as well as into the world of the author.
Do you understand this? Compared with: "I have a feeling I wish I could share;" wherein what I'm thinking of is hidden, not conveyed. The only redeeming element of my second example is the rhythm of the words, of the language, the music - which is another tangible entity - as sound can be metallic, even rusty or silver: like the sound of the saxophone or clarinet or trumpet.
April, feelings, thoughts, must attach themselves to objects, to tangible things in creation to be conveyed, to be experienced by a reader, an audience. This is so because we experience what you convey though and with our senses: color: butter-yellow butterflies; sound: screeching carriage, screech owl, squeaking rabbits [or is it a rat which squeaks?]; Smell: onions, roses, candles burning; taste: dilly, tamarind, juju, apple juice; touch: hot, cold, smooth, rough [descending a coconut tree, with bare legs wrapped about it].
I'm offering assistance for which you did not ask, for which you have not paid. Forgive this imposition. OBIE.
posted by Obie Quiet at 6:53 PM
1 Comments:
I believe that poetry is one of the forms of writing that does not have parameters. And maybe this is why many artists use it as an outlet. Not every poem is meant to be written as some long and drawn out essay. I also believe that not every poem needs to be hard work, I think poetry is used to express your feelings, and if that's how she was feeling at that time, then that's it. We don't rewrite another artist's work just because we are dissatisfied. Maybe it wasn't written for you, but i connect with it. Because it says exactly what she wanted it to say. Her point was to use as few words as possible to express the simplicity of what she felt. If she wanted it to be vivid and fluent I'm sure she would have done that!
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