Blue Is My World
for M.L.R.

I do not feel lovely
how can she love me

what does she sense
what does she see

I'd put off love making
I'd push her away
until I can assemble
all the pieces in place
some semblance of enticing

she knows not
with what devils I wrestle
I must pin down

heads of dragons I must cut off
to get into bed with her

to be intimate- to copulate
like we at times have
like we sometimes do

not automatic to feel attractive
with my body, its systems,
acting up, its systems backfiring

digestion, circulation,
defecation, excretion
all of these questionable

I must yet try to master them
put what misbehaves to sleep
or try to - she hasn't a clue
what I must do- must undergo

everything I eat
almost immediately after
or not long after, I have to do do
these in the way of romance

I had been jogging on the spot
morning and evening
to get on top- to stay on top of things

now my right foot has given out
delicate bones in this foot,
I seem to have fractured,
one or several

it hurts to walk, I hop instead

some film with some injured soldier
comes to mind

"Ryan's Daughter" it is for certain
British officer on the hill top
hopping, moving swiftly

Ryan's daughter, in white night gown
having left her husband's bed
hurries to this officer
she has fallen in love with

it is infirmity, this image
of him hopping, part of the romance
part of his heroism

he had been wounded, injured
while fighting- while at war
and because of it was decorated

my injury occurring
running on the spot, indoors
trying to stay well, attempting
to boost my immune system
and this calamity

my love and I, at present
not getting along-

affair on the rocks
over a bottle of Noche Buena beer
she wanted a second bottle of

I put my foot down
I delivered a sermon
on the need to deny ourselves

give the extra you'd spend
on luxuries like beer to the poor

with their hands out
whom you usually pass by
or shoo away

living in her house
sleeping in her bed
and I have suddenly become
persona non grata

will this state that we're in lift
or will I have
to vacate these premises
for dignity's sake

guest in a house
here in Mexico City
and I feel humiliated, unappreciated

what input am I allowed

modern day woman
with little use
for the leadership of a man

want to have their own way
go their own way

your money to spin, to spend
your cock to gyrate on
but they have their own ideas

no more than contempt
for the ideas of men

last night I was made to feel
like that beautiful
emasculated man
in "Blue," with Juliette Binoche


© Obediah Michael Smith, 2012
9:38 p.m. 19.12.11