Red Balloon
for D.B.A.

not relinquishing you even a little bit
ever since our conflict I want you more and more

resolution to it and I was plunged into an ocean of love
into an ocean in love and helpless and hopeless
and that has been the heart of the matter

ever since argument with her resulted in this
in upstaging marriage arrangements
I mean serious plans

we'd be debating, contemplating and she'd show up
or show signs or wave, going by
and I'd want to follow her, I'd have to
my heart bouncing off behind her

she the one the red balloon attached to, belonged to
string for her to catch, others could only snatch at

unfair if I didn't tell wife to be, I'm in love with someone else
a woman only recently, met out once
met her flirting with another man
tried not to show it or tried not to hide how upset I was
how upsetting it was

we went on to have what was for her and for me
the time of our lives

of dat I wrote "Uncork Champagne"
what I write of her in the middle of another affair
burns with so much more fire

I think of conflict, I think of love against love magnified
and holocaust and holy hell

Hitler was German and human being
Hutus and Tutsis were members of their tribes
Rwandans and human beings

and what of what we love to be loyal to
what should come first, be put first

don't know how this is, what this is or why this is
it might be because it is so pure
or she so without experiences
the other woman is so full of

maybe that is why she is easier to love
maybe that is why she moves me as she does
it does remind me of Olga and Picasso
and Marie-Therese Walter for whom he left Olga
for whom he ended his marriage
though he did want to end it anyway
and would have, one way or another
I am not even married yet

what promise has a relationship
with a girl in school, of whom I make poems
girl I can cause to laugh without abating
for all of five minutes, for more than five minutes
laughing like applause

when Leontyne Price sang her farewell concert
at the Metropolitan Opera House, Giuseppe Verdi's “Aida”
she concluded "O patria mia" and got a standing ovation
which lasted 15 minutes and she stood soaking it in
and soaking it up and joy broke her heart
and under the burden of so much love publically
by public outpoured

stoical and as professional as she was
you saw her sob, saw her come apart
as well as she was held together, and she wept

I was asked about this at the outset,
about my relationship with who I was attached to
or would attach to through writing, through art

I thought that I could uproot and dispose of anyone
growing in my garden

had no clue though how deeply rooted
how deeply planted was this woman in my heart
in my life, even I am shocked by roots about my heart

like when daddy mossed plants, removed bark
about a stem like a slim Band-Aid about a finger
around it placed wet moss, about that placed
a piece of plastic and with string, tied both ends

what an amazing thing to see, after several weeks went by
within the plastic, through the plastic, clear to observe
through the moss, all these roots

new plant to plant, to cut off, take off the plastic
and put it in a pot to be put in the earth later

these in pots he often sold
what do I make multiply

my dad was such a business man, such a provider
such and entrepreneur, I make poems and very little money

my mom and he had 12 children, I have published 13 books
am I good for nothing, am I good for something
am I worth anything

I know I want the women in my life to know the truth
those who share my heart, those within my heart

wife to be might have already learned how not to love me
I have certainly had my sessions away from her
and without her as well
writing of this young woman whom I love

I thought wife to be was my Lady Simpson
thought for her, I'd abdicate, leave the throne
but what would I not do for this young woman

give my heart gladly, readily
though I know not what might happen when she is twenty
leaves her teens, turns a bend, the bend in the road

becomes adult, matures fully or when she leaves school even
off to college is inevitable, she is smart
and can become a medical doctor even or a college professor
and I'd want her to achieve all she can

not like Ernest Hemingway's mother who could have become
an opera singer and reminded her children and added
“if it were not for you children”

it might have been because of this ambition and this possibility
in the arts, why her son went on the be the novelist,
the performer in public he became

what's to become of these two women in my life
and in my heart

the younger one of whom I am, without a doubt, in love
the other one I have not actually met or seen in 19, 20 years
I am not as attached to

attached by e-mail, we got Skype and we came apart
like a toy in a child’s hands


© Obediah Michael Smith, 2010
10:22 a.m. 14.03.10