Saturday, January 14, 2012

A Poem Written
In A Park I Found
for M.L.R.

in an instant
it was as if
I was not pretty anymore

no longer lovable
no longer lovely

rug drawn out from underfoot
from under me

should I have been, in the first place
dependent upon her
to give me a positive view of myself

emphasizing though a part of me
that I do not wish emphasized

how well I can or cannot fuck
and how frequently

not a test I wish to pass
or not to pass

wanted an affair based upon
my ability to love her
her ability to love me

ability to stick it out
through thick and through thin

whatever came or comes
hell or high water

she wanted sex to rely on
like a drug

wanted this added
to the other substances
she abuses
cigarettes and alcohol

did not like my calling her back
to the subtler pleasures

the small joys
from which she feels
she has long ago graduated

things I suppose
she considers play-play
child´s play, childish
some children´s affairs

this is what happens
when innocence is lost
or has been tossed aside
or tossed away

stuff I clutch
like I clutch my pen

in a grip in my hand
innocence as important to me

bun containing cheese
in the hollow inside
I bought one of

I should have purchased
2 or 3 or 4 or more

want to be drunk
on what is good for me
on who is good for me

thought I was good for her
thought she was good for me

I still do- I do still

here in Mexico City still
attached to it

in love with her, in love with it
with this city, her city

this relationship
I´ve come to through her

our affair, attached to this affair
affair with place, with time
with space

am I displaced, displeased
am I out on the edge
am I out on a limb

am I in good hands
am I in God´s hands

Friday the thirteenth
what peace I feel

fifteen dollars for the moment
all that is left on my account
in Nassau, on New Providence
to draw off- to draw on- to draw from

Christ though, his Father
heaven and the Holy Spirit
have long ago assured us
that Grace is sufficient

promised to provide each day
what each day requires

only I must- we must
not be greedy

must be discerning
must recognize love
in all its guises

however great-big-grand,
however infinitesimal

without end prepared
to embrace and to swallow it

to be embraced
and to be swallowed by it

I need a lotion or cream
muey efficacious
for my rough hands

I must not fail to be lovely
when love comes along
when love comes around

always hovering near
as near as the light
as near as the dark
as near as the life within

I am without end
hemorrhaging poems

happy to have pages-
to have paper
to soak them up with

© Obediah Michael Smith, 2012
3:58 p.m. 13.01.12


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