Looking Allowed
for Gina Lowe

i.
I had been imagining distance,
a wider gap
imaging ourselves
pushed or pulled or shoved apart

imagined that you'd leapt
into the pool of blood that's my heart

with you within that lake of love
it began to heat up, began to boil

to save yourself, your soul
you leapt out once again and went
and gone

what terrible loss before gain,
before I could add you, count you,
number your bones with mine,
your cells with the cells of my anatomy

thought these thoughts
feared these fears

only to find you
with nothing at all against me
with fingernails polished black

as near as I feared you were far

our second meeting, moving
affirmation I'd not dreamed of

"Wow!" you said of what I wrote
of what you inspired

I'd not heard from you, you said,
apologizing,
because you were speechless

ii.
too emotional almost
to see her again

I'd been assuming
I'd alienated her

unaware until I was near her again
what her silence meant

unaware how quickly
her heart was thumping

not with antipathy
not with resentment
but flatteringly, in awe

how amazed I was
to see what I saw
to come to know
what she was thinking
what she was feeling

of what I had written
of my word-portrait of her

I knew I'd looked deep
I knew I'd seen far


© Obediah Michael Smith, 2009
Written on Monday, March 23, 2009
between 4:48 p.m. and 10:34 p.m.