Nancy Sakis
for Nsakala Emmanuel

YouTube, your tube, you in a tube to squeeze out
ache for more, for access, to be nearer

engaged and not engaged, connected and apart
heart-ache, heart aches because of it, because of this

unbearable to have you and not have you
to reach you and not reach you
to see you and not see you

I want you so much, I want you so bad

could bite, could claw to remove what's between us
what's between us is what brings/
is what has brought you to me

my computer, my computer screen
want to reach through it, want to reach you through it

claw away, claw at, claw away at what seems like barrier
I'd break glass, I'd cut myself

I'd end up seeing only what's in the guts of my monitor
I'd end up with it in bits and pieces, no you at all
further away from you than I am now

what is actually between us is an ocean to cross
my desire, to get back to or across to West Africa

have your first name not your full name
without address for you,
how would I find you in all of the Congo

a love affair like none I've ever entered
or been in

how to enter it deeply,
how to end up in the heart or at the heart of it
enter or exit it, which

I have you on YouTube
I have this slim, black pen in hand, it's plastic

my hand made of flesh, your hand in my hand
this I wish, for this I long

dish to dip into, dish for two to eat from
to empty

dish your hips make, to eat from
dish to make music, music to fill it with

pound into it to make a steel pan
pestle and mortar to prepare spices
to sweeten a pot

bruised, ground, what smells released
will perfume our kitchen if God allowed

I wish this, beg him to make you real
to make two one

within this spinning world
upon this spinning earth
to spice up the universe


© Obediah Michael Smith, 2009
3:50 p.m. 29.11.09