Rain Down Dillies
for T.L.C.
you have shaken me
you keep shaking me
poems falling from me
like dillies from a tree
ripe ones as well as green ones
bursting and splitting open
around your head, about your feet
haven’t you had enough
are you mad or is it me
© Obediah Michael Smith, 2008
9:35 p.m. 01.01.08
for T.L.C.
you have shaken me
you keep shaking me
poems falling from me
like dillies from a tree
ripe ones as well as green ones
bursting and splitting open
around your head, about your feet
haven’t you had enough
are you mad or is it me
© Obediah Michael Smith, 2008
9:35 p.m. 01.01.08
posted by Obie Quiet at 9:39 AM
2 Comments:
what other tree would dillies fall from? isn't that line redundant?
the visuals in the poem are very well drawn though.
Here, I shall for the present hold out against you and suggest that this is not a case of the redundant but a deliberate attempt to compound the quality and quantity of dilliness.
On another note, it is an attempt to convey a specific dilly tree along with a familiar experience. This triggers off though what might be a key to something you might be failing to do.
This lesson though, I bring to writing from training in the performing arts, the need for an F.O.R. or a frame of reference always. To avoid ambiguity on stage or in acting, it is necessary, that a drunk you are playing for example, is tied to some specific drunk whom you've studied and have based your character on.
The very same, applies when fashioning your poems. Your references must not be snatched willy-nilly out of thin air. They must be tied to life. The great paintings of human figures, for example, are almost always based upon models.
To conclude, consider the following of Michelangelo: "He would perform autopsies on the corpses and study the muscles and bones in order to perfect his sculptures. In exchange for permission to study corpses at a church that administered a hospital, the prior received a wooden crucifix from Michelangelo. His contact with the dead bodies caused some problems with his health." http://www.wowessays.com/dbase/aa3/cng57.shtml
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