Wings across Waves
for D.B.A.
i.
what is old old old
made new new new
with a pencil, with lines drawn
and without color left
building to be painted yet
that new, that just constructed
was a prison once, is a library now
here since Woodes Rogers or just after
but as if demolished, reconstructed
in 2001, rededicated
HKRolle architect and contractor
by a single hand, erected again, anew
while people inside selected books
and sat and read
school children in their varied uniforms
research assignments
study for exams in the library down town
ii.
attached to her, how do I mess up
or not dress up
note of neglect, I must alter, must uproot
in its place, put a flowering plant
pretty world for her, pretty words
pretty me for her as well
old need not mean ugly
look at castles, look at trees
poui, silk cotton, others
some a century, some a few centuries
and flowering still, blossoming still
giving shade, beneath branches, limbs
leaves in abundance, in intricate patterns
almond light, almond life
almonds drop and what perfume
why therefore should I neglect me
leave me undone, unkempt
baby to love, who loves me
tied to the breath in her
by the breath in me
tied by the verse I write
verse she writes
she and I united,
in a multiplicity of intricate ways
in order that we are not easily
disassembled or dismantled
disjointed, dislocated
or just divided by forces
opposed to union between us
to our being united
as long as our lives last
or as long as language lasts
this alphabet we learned
as children
iii.
has she snapped
whether or not she has
she certainly snapped at me today
snapped at, snapped up
or nearly snapped the hand that feeds her
“I am busy,” she said, “not now!”
could hardly believe my ears, my eyes
usually she is happy to see me
greets me with a hug and a smile
is she upset because I'm in love
was not at all happy to hear that I am
out of relationship I was in and into another
she'd said to me two or a few weeks ago
jokingly or maybe not
“If you do not marry her,
“you can always marry me”
laughing, showing all her teeth
meaning it possibly
unable to figure what else
I might have done, could have done
to wrong her, to get in her bad books
what could I have thrown
into the spokes of her wheel, of her whirl
iv.
hope it is not the same cock
they've been sitting on
the same morning come
the same cock crowing
the same sun
big in them
rising
v.
are we intact, in touch, touching
connected, in spite of out of touch
as we have been since Monday
worry when I do not, when I cannot
hear from you
when without reaffirmation
reassurance of the sort entailed
in seeing you, hearing from you
on the phone or getting response
to e-mail sent or seeing something
posted
poem I can pounce on, critique
get into the bone marrow of
poems you send, I know
are another way we connect
you send me these
complement of hearing from you though
and joy like outburst
joy I am unable to contain
abide what I must as long as I must
until euphoria picks me up
until you lift me up
as a baby might be lifted up
in outstretched arms
baby just short of touching the ceiling
I just short of touching the sky
when you meet you in me
like what prayer is
when Christ in us,
is praying to himself in heaven
himself a part of Holy Trinity
our unit, union, holy too, holy two
you from heaven
come to dying day, to dying days
footsteps to exchange
for flapping wings
for flowing waves
© Obediah Michael Smith, 2010
Written between 2:20 p.m. and 6:22 p.m.
on Wednesday, 28th April 2010
Ins & Outs
Ups & Downs
for D.B.A.
i.
don't mind dying
in love with her
attached to her
when mom died
I had Marion to connect with
who I was connected to
because of her, because of this
our love, saving me,
saved me from coming apart
this young woman
Holy Spirit-provided
she and poetry
poetry she inspires
such strong medicine
heaven prescribes
against fear and pain
against the possibility
of letting go
against disenchantment
by love and ink in pens
anesthetized
with these and her,
engaged in love making
which is unending
with her and these, lubricated
like hairs of roots, like root caps
what they are coated with
enabling them to pass easily
through soil
want her to have a baby for me
want her and me to marry
want her to acquire her PhD
want to acquire one too
before I expire
ii.
all that or all this privacy
house to myself
her all alone within it with me
too much to fill in, to fill out
overwhelmed by the thought of it
by this to make use of
to take advantage of
instead of choosing to fill it in, to fill it out
to take over, take advantage
of such an opportunity
she decided instead to be dwarfed by it
diminished by it
she could just as well have seized the day
instead she chose to be intimidated by it
I was uncomfortable, she told me later
unlike she was with me when we met
in public, in a café
she was delightful then, swept me away
though ever so subtly, what she exuded
her sexuality
I could look upon her, could bear her
only with difficulty
what sparks would our being alone make fly
I excitedly wondered
notified about her visit
only a little while before she arrived
came following an attack I made
an attempt I made to prepare myself
my house
washed myself from head to toe
with feather brush, removed cob webs
from every room, from high and low
with one brush made a shit-scarred bowl
like new
with another brush, made bath tub
and the tiles about it white too
cleaned wet dust, dry dust off bathroom floor
here and there, addressed this and that
in preparation for her arrival
don’t know who it was she sent
she never showed up
was it a little sister who did, whom she sent
sent to pick up
can of peanuts I had, evening before,
purchased for her
nothing more than this to accomplish
to get home again, what filled her mind
all that was on her mind
she’d been out in her mother’s car
from 3 and it was half-past-seven
© Obediah Michael Smith, 2010
Written on Tuesday, April 28, 2010
between 8:55 a.m. and 11:00 a.m.
Rainwater Bucket
for D.B.A.
rushin' shoppin'
fur time ta leave over
for a minute or two
to say a word or two
to you
fur sweet words ta flow
love words, love bird
flaps wings
clears throat with song
with call
alight upon the limb
I'm out on
make your noises
noise I delight in
warbler or thrush
my heart flutters
like wings
how wet I am
my face and all inside
with tears
falling, flowing
all too freely, as freely
as poetry flows usually
oh God, I do not want
your pitying the state I'm in
this predicament
I gur ask God ta be wit' me
ta comfort me
if you are unavailable
until after the rains
begin to fall torrentially
not even a bucket left out
to catch my tears
© Obediah Michael Smith, 2010
10:03 p.m. 22.04.10
Jacob’s Ladder
for D.B.A.
i.
just a ride you're going for
you're going on
when you get on board a woman
expect it to burn out soon
like getting on a falling star
fall like this when you fall in love
fall in love and continue to fall
until star you are riding
ride upon fire,
plummets to its dark address
place Plath knew well
is such a ride, tragic as it is
as it ends, such a fall
a luxury after all
ii.
not as genuine as I thought she was
what I thought we had, we hadn't
what I thought we were
we were not, we are not
gesture of dropping by,
of happening by
she wanted to insist
meant nothing at all
had to drain it of blood completely
like some meat of other
she was preparing for dinner
washing with water, with vinegar
what used to be prepared like this
I am unable to recall
down stairs of this house I'm in
kitchen actually beneath this room
I’m sitting in
upon my bed, upon the floor
was it chicken, was it mutton
was it fish
but fish was for Friday
never on Sunday
Saturday, just before nightfall
soldier that she is
unrelenting
when in pursuit of something
when it comes to fulfilling a promise
said she'd come by and she did
visit drained of meaning
she would make certain
it signified nothing
wish I were the peanuts
she went away with, in a tin
in a bag beneath her arm
peanuts she delights
in peeling tops from
without hesitating
and dipping in and eating
greedy for peanuts
wish she were as greedy for me
even if to be burped out after
even if I were to end up
in the smell of her flatulence
even though I ended up
a part of her feces
would have been better
than apart, better than
our relationship possibly
being over and done with
I had a school girl
I was once in love with
fell in, was in deep
will mercy fling me a rope
let down a ladder
O'Keeffe painted Jacob's ladder
wish I had that hanging
somewhere to inspire me
faced with having to climb
all the way to the moon
where I left my back pack
iii.
no warbler noises
only insisting upon going
upon getting home
how did she learn to drive
and when, I wonder
and who taught her
I taught my two daughters
younger daughter
acquiring her license
one day after her 17th birthday
one day after she acquired
her permit to learn
© Obediah Michael Smith, 2010
Written on Sunday, April 25, 2010
between 6:10 a.m. and 11:56 a.m.
Lame Man Let Down
for D.B.A.
i.
Wilshire
told you I was giving
In A China Shop and Other Poems
in exchange for $100
never said, never thought
I was trading our friendship for money
for any amount
have I, without at all intending to
traded for $100
what was for me priceless friendship
and now not speaking, now enemies
I want my friend back
entirely willing, entirely prepared
to give back $100 given
to get back a friend I had once
a friend I loved once
a friend I thought loved me
is money the enemy
the root of all evil after all
ii.
turn to her for everything
and I get nothing or next to nothing
more than half the time
iii.
mind and intellect
seeking an encounter
mind wishing- wishes
to meet mind
to affirm and to expand
the rubber band of creation
of the family of man
of the family of minds
family of mine is a family
of intellects, of intellectuals
who love to play table tennis
with their shoes off
iv.
unpleasant
in loving her
being intimate
boyfriend to rub up against
possibly he has me
to brush up against as well
we pass through her
we meet in her
unhappy with who she brings me
into contact with
in touch with
v.
you can ruin me, I can ruin you
fuck too old and too young
let us nonetheless be one
are we in it for poetry's sake
can we shift it a bit
let this be the case
don't delight in being made a fool of
like Malvolio in Twelfth Night
I am the poet for God's sake
the playwright, not one of his characters
in it for poetry, do it for poetry
to and through poetry
promise not to fuck you
without my cock in a poem
not to come inside you, outside of verse
brutal, vicious
to get through to you
after revenge, am I
in response to not being loved
after all my commitment, gestures
after all my heart beats
like hoofs beating,
galloping through the woods
to get to your log cabin
© Obediah Michael Smith, 2010
Written between 4:00 p.m.
Monday, April 19 and Sunday,
12:51 a.m., April, 25.04.10
Ever Ready to Draw
for D.B.A.
i.
today I let the barber do it
used to or used to think to
swipe off my beard
when I had to see you
when I had you to see
when sweet opportunity arose
decided today to let the barber do it
to visit Cliffie's, to put myself in expert hands
to convert me to pretty
like how I look in the mirror, in the rest room
in Central Bank
peaceful here, able to reflect and to connect
little time for conversation
this peace of hand towel, pulled with two hands
from this dispenser which turns and cuts
and my pen
these instead of cell phone
to talk into, to hear you on
hear you clearly nonetheless
asked to be let in, allowed through
I thought to pee and to freshen up
turns out I needed in here to be with you
this timeout to show you me
before hardly anybody else sees
sees me transformed, made pretty
pretty for my baby first
anybody else, comes after, don't matter
ii.
always going around
to avoid who would beg us
always going around beggars
beggars always going around
coming around who they would beg
would seek to avoid them
would seek to avoid being confronted
seek to avoid having to say, no
and again, no, without end
seek to avoid being made uncomfortable
having to say, no, again and again
I avoid going by a woman, sitting, waiting
to beg who comes by
I avoid going by, go around instead
the round about way and wonder,
are there those, similarly, avoiding me
though I ask, not for pittances or for sixpences
I ask $100 in exchange for a slim book
there are those who ask for all you’ve got
with gun or knife
gimmie your wallet, your jewelry
or give me your life
iii.
able to have you with tea
should I have you with tea
added about 8 packets of honey
squeezed them out
honey from heaven, missing from tea still
or missing from me
needed you added to the life in me
to the me of me, more me
the more love I’m filled with
more me with whom I’m in love with, added
thrust of this, gist of this,
is what I’m writing, insisting upon
coming into being or am I forcing it,
with forefinger and thumb
force honey forth, force honey out
into hot tea, hot hot hot,
the water Starbucks serves
must exercise care or burn your mouth
what lingers inside, in mind
are the politicians off the wall
House in session
and they out of their frames
walking about in the lobby
down stairs of the House of Assembly
they shake my hand
give the impression that I am well known
that I am well liked
you with me there, but not available
to be introduced
meet D’Anthra, I’d have said
if you were with me actually
who would I have told them
that you were, would I have needed to
would they not have known, right off
from the outset
seeing us, you and me, you with me
how we acted
to explain, redundant
I’d have said possibly, she’s a poet
instead of, I was getting married
because of her, I am not any more
not to that woman
wish this woman and I could wed
instead
what to tell who and what not to
had a talk about you
with my barber today
told him who it is
for whom I must look pretty
he dolled me up good
did you like my beard or didn’t you
you never commented
one way or another
song playing, here in Starbucks
at present, I’ll let you hear later
I’ll find it on YouTube, “Hallelujah”
same singer/song writer who wrote
“There’s a Crack In Everything”
including you, including me
enabling us to get in
without the back of a cutlass
across a coconut to break open
husk it, what’s left in your hand
as bald as a head
iv.
want to tell Vanessa
that the skin is the body’s largest organ
want to ask her if it is malfunctioning
like a kidney might
want to help her to get a handle on it
an understanding of why
her face might be filled
with awfully large pimples
or are they bumps
from something other than acne
is she abusing something
possibly some drug or other
marijuana or is she dependent
upon something else that’s bad for her
enter into conversation, she says,
“Obi, you see, I am having a baby
she shows me her stomach
protruding behind, protruding within
her green, Starbucks apron
and it is all clear to me finally
v.
gat ta keep your head up
gat ta keep yur dignity intact
come what may
whoever comes, whatever comes up
or whoever goes out
whatever they take with them
must be left with dignity
John Proctor, in “The Crucible”
at a high point in the drama
possibly at its very pinnacle
says, take my life but leave me
my name
I can see Daniel Day Lewis
even now, in agony
his mouth wide, screaming
this to the firmament
to everybody listening
I struggle too to keep
head up, dignity intact
do this chiefly
with poems I pin down, pen down
in another place, in another time
this one, that one instead,
to gun down
guns on two sides, ever ready
to draw
© Obediah Michael Smith, 2010
Written on Wednesday, April 21, 2010
between 2:30 p.m. and 6:53 p.m.
In Love In Deep
for D.B.A.
what is this that I am passing through
that is passing through me
will it last until I have passed it out
until it has passed me out
or until I pass out
or will it last until I’ve passed away
what she wrote recently
about finding herself
and finding that she had lost herself
I make a different twist of
when I’m without her
I am as if nonexistent
without her I do not care to exist
without her it is nonexistence
so tasteless, so bland
not a brand of day or night
I’d order
what is time without her in it
or her without thyme
and tiny limes
© Obediah Michael Smith, 2010
12:55 p.m. 23.04.10
Bethlehem Weeping
for Jane Bethel
my mind was on her, ill
on my mind, well as well
she was good to me, accepted me
willing to try me on, try me out
another son, had it come to that,
it didn’t quite
what love and friendship
that never ended
how enhanced
my life has been by this family
added to mine
more genuine people
I have not ever know
they are real to me
she was antithetical to counterfeit
she was gold and silver,
frankincense and myrrh
it is time for myrrh now
passed away today
ill a while, ailing long
two medical doctor children
lawyers, MP's, sister of
our first Governor General
what a thrill to recall
her daughter-in-law,
Owen's wife, and her
in church with me
in Paris, France, in 1989
we attended St. George’s together
one Sunday morning
just before going up
to take the bitter wine
of Holy Communion
I took my notebook out
her brother, Milo Bulter
on the cover of it
in it I wrote:
learning to rely
upon the living water
to wait upon it --
rather than life's
artificial beverages;
abundant, useless
against thirst
against emptiness
empty and full
because of her having
passed this way
by her passing away
© Obediah Michael Smith, 2010
11:13 p.m. 22.04.10
Smithy Possession
for D.B.A.
what he gettin'
what you givin' 'im
ta make him feel like number 1
ta make him feel like he's der man
what are you withholding from me
to give him
what are you giving him that's mine
how could you, how dare you
when I'm all yours, when you're all mine
wanted to avoid swallowing you
like a bull frog swallows a bull frog
you leave me no choice
must show who's boss
show who's in charge
must gobble you up
must swallow you down
must leave him and others to wonder
where you went
your croaking will become part of mine
your croaking inside
able to be heard
only through me
through my belly
when I open my mouth
anybody in the world
able to get his hands on you
must place you beyond
the reach of such persons
how could they appreciate
how precious, how priceless you are
they will when you are not available
to get their paws upon
no longer able to sully or insult
with smutty possession
© Obediah Michael Smith, 2010
8:54 p.m. 22.04.10
Shells Shelves Selves
for D.B.A.
wall between us
would you commit to climbing over
I from my side, you from yours
we could get together then
to be one, would be guaranteed
girl you have a bunch of hang-ups
in spite of the many you have gotten over
in spite of those that you’ve transcended
what a lot left still
are they intact still, needing to be dismantled
because of age or because of culture
as stubborn as a horse or as a mule
places you’d get to and refuse to budge
instinct or what is it, providing these stops
suggesting them
not a word about what you were engaged in
that night/morning on the phone
occasion I wrote a poem about
concluded that you were defecating
idea you corrected in comment left
I was hot and wet and half asleep
as usual, I was multitasking
amounts to what, is still not clear
unable still to come right out and confess it
all the holding back of thoughts
all the frustrating half-said things
awkward when I get into you
find you’re comprised
of as much that is backward thinking
backward looking
as you are forward looking
and forward thinking
what’s to be done
with this combination of notions,
combination of tensions
what similarly am I gripping hard
would not let go of
hold fast to, refusing to let go
like a child to a teddy bear
or some other toy
we have our hang-ups
coupled with what we want to release
want to be released from
what though do we grip
like the side of a boat
when waves and weather turn rough
or some part in or on some vehicle
when operated recklessly
when driven too fast for comfort
earth we are on, how fast it goes
unicycle we ride
without use or need of hands
arms free to embrace; our legs are also
I want your bare body, wrapped up in
and wrapped about my own
want to be yours,
you to be my own
the way one has a bottle of beer
to up-end, to empty
© Obediah Michael Smith, 2010
10:55 a.m. 22.04.10
Enough Safe
might as well go out to the edge
go out on the edge
on the edge of this volatile world
could blow up, could go up anytime,
any minute, foolishness to play it safe
where is safe, who is safe
might as well risk it, might as well take a risk
might as well go for broke
better to have loved and lost
to quote scripture or what is not scripture
life is my scripture, I am scribbling away
on whatever I can find to scribble on
hate when a pen runs out,
when no scratch appears
instead, a cut in the paper or a cut almost
out on the edge to go, to live
let George Gershwin have
let George Gershwin keep
Summer time and the living is easy
with the cotton high, with fish jumping
I want to jump, to leap
I want to/I have to keep keeping on
somewhere to get to before the rain comes
before night falls
before the knife falls
Guillotine across so many French necks
whenever there was revolution
when there was need for an execution
the blade falls, the grades fall
a nation wishes to rise but can it
cans of dicks on food store shelves
in light syrup, for $60, for who will buy
© Obediah Michael Smith, 2010
9:44 p.m. 21.04.10
Whole
for D.B.A.
i.
the fact that I met
and did not make the holes, means that
someone, before I came, had entered,
had gone through your earlobes
I came along late, came along later
provided earrings for pierced ears
allowed to insert them, to put them in
with trembling hands
moment like a moment in a movie, in a film
those most perceptive among those present
filling nearly every seat in Starbucks,
Sunday past, could tell they were, with us,
locked in a most romantic moment
while I labored, struggled, to find two holes
stretching your earlobes to find them
with a poet's trembling hands
trembling as you are, I am happy
I did not have to rely upon you to pierce them
I was trembling, shaking, because overjoyed
I was spilling happiness I was unable to contain
ii.
how could I have raped her
I didn’t make the hole
it was there when I got there
I entered a passage,
a chop, a cut, kind or not,
an injury which someone else
already had inflicted
you have to blame her maker
accuse who made her
it is he or whomever
who should be under arrest
who should have been arrested
I entered the hole, I do admit,
I didn’t make it
who did is who
aught to be in hand cuffs
instead of getting away
scot-free
© Obediah Michael Smith, 2010
Written between 11:30 p.m.
on Tuesday, April 20 and
12:45 a.m. Wednesday,
April 21, 2010
Skipping with my Heart Beating
for D.B.A.
Lord let no one extricate
let no one pull out the Christmas lights plug
or click off the happiness switch
don't know if I'd be able to bear such a blow
such a loss
what is happening to me
what I'm involved in and with whom
is unbelievable, was unexpected
happiness so extreme, so severe
I have difficulty breathing constantly
it has happened to her recently also
coming across a few lines
concluding a poem she inspired
a poem I have written for her
what is useful though is how clearly she explained
her heart contracting, her having to breath voluntarily
she is a poet also, one with a background in science
as much a student of science as she is of literature
and the arts
I could empathize well, identify well
with what she, for a moment, suffered
it is what I undergo always
since we've been connected like this,
since our affair cranked up
got going, since we took off, our love took flight
I have been breathless or struggling to breathe
discomfort I welcome, do not mind at all
I am in love is why it is I'm gasping for breath
wrestling for air
addendum to this is joy
like I have not known in ages
joy I have not, in all my life, known often
did not expect
I was about to get married to another woman
when she came along, when love popped up
what flight this is I am not sure
I am as lost as three blind mice
I am as happy as a lark in the night
singing without ceasing
© Obediah Michael Smith, 2010
6:18 p.m. 20.04.10
In Two Moments
for D.B.A.
i.
let her misuse me if she will or if she must
I trust her with my heart, trust her with my life
I trust love, my love for her
but what if she does not love me one bit
what have I to trust on or trust in
what if all that's sustaining us is politeness
pity for the state I'm in, for this love-sick,
love-starved puppy
what if my puppy love is a creature
she does not wish to feed, prefers to starve
does not wish to see become full grown
prefers to have and to see die
a puppy, not a growling, barking, biting love-dog
able also to catch whatever Frisbee
fetch whatever stick
does she wish to see our love as large,
as healthy as this pet
she is or was glad to take with her wherever
collar about its neck, upon a chain pulling
strong as she is
so what if I am hopelessly, helplessly in love with her
I worry about not having her to myself, for myself
worry about sharing her with someone else
worry about what status I'd end up with
fear being attributed status not at all comparable
with status I've accorded her
not at all prepared to make sacrifices I've made for her
for me, just what I have done to, done with wife to be
she can do with and do to me
what I do not feel for wife to be might be exactly
what she does not feel for me
far less than in love, intimate and distant
able to alternate between these in a flash
able to flash hot and to flash cold
like a woman undergoing a change of life,
undergoing menopause
far far from such a phase, instead, at 18, she is
much nearer its other end
it is I who'd have passed through it, gone through it
were I a woman
older by a year than was Columbus
when he expired
if Obama can be president, can I not have her
can she not love me like I love her
commit to me as I am committed to her
or are we made of different substances entirely
substance of which she's made, I am prepared
to have for supper, to succor
I am prepared to suck her Suzie, tongue, tits
until she cry out, until she called upon our Maker
to take her
ii.
I feel her loving me and I can hardly bear it
we are making Literature and making love
and I am being made unbearably happy
what increment of too delightful things she's told me
accumulated over time
drops of rain in a bucket until it is over flowing
we drink love from tea spoons, her love and my love
measure out love in tea cups, in two cups
I drink from hers she drinks from mine
do you have company she asked
or don't you ever have company
I was unsure which
was she thinking it is or it was
too good to be true how available I am
when she calls, when she wants me
my friends, my closest associates though
are dozens and dozens of artists, long dead
long buried
I'd wonder if even she and I belonged
to such a realm
I'd wonder if we're in heaven
though I'd hear her in conversation
with persons on earth, with mortals
how high our affair, how high our escapades
so late in my day, so early in hers
© Obediah Michael Smith, 2010
Written on Sunday, April 18, 2010
between 9:10 a.m. and 3:27 p.m.
Add Attract Subtract
for D.B.A.
he wants to add me
I want to take him
away from you
you away from him
you two apart
he wants to add me
I want to subtract him
from loving you
you from loving him
God for his own reason
in his own wisdom
out of love divine
which knows no limit
added you and him and me
to holy scripture
to his creation
drawn like seeds into one fruit
or are we like worms in one
three in one
two buyers at an exhibition
after one painting
or are we a triptych
you at the centre
you in the middle
he wants to add me
expects me to accept
when I want to reject, to eject
when I want you to too
don't like having to compete
with anyone for cherry pie
when I have ice cream to add
scoop to scoop it up
ice cream in scoops
to heap upon your belly bare
upon your bare belly
warm belly
to make ice cream melt
want it all to myself
and for myself
he wants to add me
I want to add ice cream
kiss and suck and lick
wherever ice cream runs
certainly do not wish
anyone with us in the dish
in the room in the romance
© Obediah Michael Smith, 2010
2:54 p.m. 19.04.10
Salty Peanuts
for D.B.A.
i.
and I thought I could not be happier
eyes to dry of tears
happy makes fall
raining but she summoned me
I had to run to her
rain or not, wet or dry
why we cannot marry
when I've been saved
all those nights which life has been
for this day's light
or hard day’s night
for weeks with 8 days
fairy tale world
Hans Christian Andersen's
complete works
to open and read
my life's one such tale
at present
hadn't a clue such joy on earth
was available or possible
my heart beats funny
when I'm having more fun
than I can bear
my baby just left me here
where we were a while
this rainy Sunday
sunny days inside us
I want to die happy
won't want to die now
want to see what awaits us
see what the outcome of this
will be
I'd marry her in an instant
in a minute, in a month
immediately after
she graduates high school
off to university together
she to complete initially
a Bachelors Degree
while I labored on
finished off a PhD
with God, what is impossible
if this much can happen
anything can
she is steadier about us
about love than I am
I get so nervous
my hands shake
my whole world shakes
met her, earth shook
like that event in Acts
round about Midnight
Paul and Silas in prison
singing and praying
and the earth shook
and all the prison doors
fell open and the chains
of the prisoners all fell off
the jailer awoke thinking
the prisoners had all escaped
fearing for his neck
he was about to take his life
when Paul called to him
"Hey, we're all here!"
I am involved
in no less a miracle
knowing her, watching
another poet
come into being
where will
our missionary journeys
take us
ii.
people who would exclude you
make you outsider
what are they inside of
able to turn myself
outside in, inside out
what more in this world
do I require or desire
uncircumcised dick
to roll back the skin of
and wash smegma off
like grits off teeth
what of inside-outside
what of who in, who out
dick in, slips out
to have to/two have to
slip it in again
what of who’s on the inside
who's on the outside
who's on the right side
who's on the wrong side
right hand of God
or elsewhere
to sit in heaven
dress right or dress left
when I put on
my underpants
iii.
losing my true true friends
or who I thought were friends
were true
three men at this moment
concern me
break up over money
a hundred dollars or two
I thought our attachments
were worth millions
were priceless
thought the clasps
that clasped us
made of better
than platinum
were they instead
made of brass or were they
but hand cuffs, leg irons
we on a chain gang
or enslaved still
in need of manumission
emancipation
who needs be freed though
from the bonds of love
I've lost a man or two
I cannot wait to have back
they were as precious to me
as air
why are they now not speaking
to me
I haven't a clue
though I know superficially
why
why actually is a mystery
as much a mystery
as was our affair
in Philadelphia
iv.
Lord God Almighty
thank you for anointing me
with her
what strong medicine
this love is, your love is
our love is
will it save me, keep me
or will it end me
how uncontrollably quickly
my heart beats
leaps and pauses
slows and speeds up
v.
parts of speech I love
as much as body parts
Michelangelo
taking bodies apart
to make and to improve
his art
body parts of lovers in bed
to know what to do with
to know what not to do with
parts of speech
to shift the gears of
in need of the feet
the legs of flies
for the feat in question
for feats like these
why write if not
to purify language
to distill thought
for self definition
to make a dictionary
of nights and days
of the life you've lived
vi.
I do not ask you, oh God
to make me well
or to make me wealthy
I ask you, oh God, instead
to make me yours
vii.
don't look like
I am going to recover
from her
I most certainly do not want to
do not wish to
in fact, I want to get worse
I want it worse
to guarantee that it is chronic
that I'd remain
in love with her for a life time
love sick like this
for a lifetime
she is my lifeline
viii.
girls with salty fingers reach for books
reach forth and back like waves
Prospero's Books, drowned words
washing, wishing for air
girls with salty fingers,
with sullied fingers, sullied hands
finger prints or footprints on books
as if books were beaches
reach for me with salty hands
or for baby crying in a crib
salty tears falling
salty shoulders where tears were shed
want books to last a long time,
a life time without sign of wear or tears
brown marks on book pages tell tales
aside, apart from tales told by words
upon pages printed
one story competes with another
in time, in a decade or two
books in my library
hands these have passed through
what we pass through
before we pass out
or pass over or pass on
ix.
curious to see, to know
how her breasts hang
when not held up
when not contained
in two bra cups
when they are out
of their fruit cups
how would it be, I wonder
to have them to sup on
to have them for supper
curious about the pull
of gravity upon them
about how these fruit fall
when there's nothing
but my two hands
made into cups
about them to catch them
or my mouth to hold them
even if it cannot
even if they are two much
© Obediah Michael Smith, 2010
Written between 6:30 p.m.
on Sunday, April 18, and
5:47 a.m., Monday,
April 19, 2010
